A few things I've learned playing computer games

1. I can carry a shitload of items in a small item bag. This bag will maintain a conveniently tiny shape and appear like I'm not carrying anything, it will not poke me, slow me down or throw me off my balance. I can even keep large animals in small balls that fit in my pocket.
2. If one day everyone in the city including all my friends and family become zombies and I have to find a way to fight them off and escape, random weapons, ammunition and health packs will be lying in the streets waiting for me to pick them up by just walking through them. Other survivors will kindly allow me to have them, and even if they accidentally step on them, they won't pick them up. Enemies won't even think about touching them.
3. If I get severely hurt and I'm bleeding to death, all I have to do is one of these things: use a few bandages, drink a weirdly colored potion, find a cleric and scream "HEALZ PLEAZ" on voice chat, sit in a tavern for a few minutes, hide behind a wall or eat some food off the floor. However, I don't really have to eat, drink or use the bathroom, ever, the only absolute life necessity is sleeping. Unless I'm an elf.
4. Knifing people's feet will eventually kill them if I do it a large enough number of times, but firing a grenade at their face might not work. If I try stabbing someone with a sword and fail, all I have to do is roll a few dice to see if I'll succeed next time.
5. If I find myself being chased by cops for killing some prostitutes, switching cars won't help, but spray painting the one I'm already in just might, even if the cops are looking at me while I'm doing it.
6. War. War never changes.
7. The second someone in the party while I'm playing my cleric tells me "nice healing", I'll get shy, start blushing like a schoolgirl and everyone will wipe. If someone calls me a noob, I'll become the queen of multitasking - take the lead, kill all the monsters by myself, heal everyone except the bastard calling me a noob, and finish the quest in the next two minutes, leaving him dead in a lava pool so he can't pick up his loot.
8. Getting a college degree and working hard won't get me very far. I'll get more experience running around the city's sewers and killing rats and spiders. If I kill enough of them, people will start calling me a hero and give me free stuff. They might even build me a statue.
9. Randomly walking into strangers' homes without knocking, looking through their stuff and taking whatever I find useful is perfectly acceptable and they won't mind. In fact, they'll act like they didn't even see me, although they were standing right next to me all the time. Also, most of their houses have only one room.
10. All the stores in the world exist just to sell me the stuff I need to finish my quests. I can buy cool armors, fancy weapons, ammunition and healing potions, but never anything else. No cigarettes, paper tissues, normal food or clothing. Sometimes I'll be able to find some books but they'll probably be more expensive than everything else in the store altogether. I should also start collecting bottle caps, they might be really popular in the future.
11. Explosives don't work on doors, walls or rocks, unless they're a different color than most of the doors, walls or rocks. Rocks cannot be climbed over.
12. Most of the people around the city stay in the exact same spot all the time. Everyone speaks English, too, but they usually just repeat the same two sentences over and over again.
13. Wearing only gauntlets and a tiny chain mail bikini will afford me protection equal to full plates worn by men. Daisy Dukes paired with a camouflage tank top will do it, too.
14. If I die during battle, I can be resurrected as long as there's a cleric in my party or someone throws me some reviving potion, but if I die during a cutscene, I'm screwed. Other clerics aren't there to raise people from the dead, but to give long and heartbreaking funeral speeches. Enemies can't be raised and once I kill them, their corpses will flash for a few moments and then disappear. My friends who died while I wasn't around also can't be raised, but if I really need to talk to them, I can just talk to their ghosts and they might even give me some cool items.
15. If I stay in one place for too long, I'll get stabbed, killed and continually teabagged.